I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
