i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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