This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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