Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
