I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You can't special order awesome
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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