Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
