I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize