I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
