she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
