tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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