I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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