Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
