"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
