Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
