Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
