I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
