i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
