I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
