The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize