I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
