If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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