I cockslap morals
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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