Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
