Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
