I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
