i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
