I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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