Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
