He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She bit a glass in half.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
