I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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