you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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