I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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