my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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