That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
