i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can feel your judgement through the phone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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