I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
