the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
