I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize