I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
