i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
