i think my tv is drunk
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
