That's intense
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
