Can Purell be used as lube?
no, he came in my armpit
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
