Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
