respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
