New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
