Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
