I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
