and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize