We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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