Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
