do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
where are my eyebrows?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
