Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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