I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
