so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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