Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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