i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
