Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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