i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
