I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
