Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
