I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
