Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
