I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
