Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
