If i come over, it means nothing
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I am morally bankrupt
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
