Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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