There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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