Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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