1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
