You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
