you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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