he shaved USA in his pubs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
