Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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