Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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