I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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