It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i drank out of a bidet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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