We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
