Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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