she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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