It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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