There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
