So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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