Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
