what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
