So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
