she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
