party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
