Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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