So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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