I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
