I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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