just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
