So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
