My Higher Power is John Stamos
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you didnt know i had herpes?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
