We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
