i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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