He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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