Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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