im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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