Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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