so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
