I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
