A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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