Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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