He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
