just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
