When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
